Finding Motivation as an Athlete, a personal take on ESPN’s 30 for 30 on Marcus Dupree

Tonight I watched one of ESPN’s 30 for 30 films, specifically the piece on Marcus Dupree, a football player with a crazy up and down life and career. It’s a touching story that sucks you in. The most moving point of the film for me was when Dupree teared up when asked about his disabled brother. The emotion on his face and in his body language was intense, real…and close to his heart. Dupree unveiled that his deepest motivation throughout his athletic career was to perform at his highest level because his brother was not able to do so. Truly, this is a cord that may very well strike anyone with a family member dealt a hand less fortunate than others. For me, it’s my brother Kevin Convis.

I immediately identified with Marcus as he explained through the tears on his face that his brother was the deepest inspiration in his athletic journey to becoming a professional football player in the NFL. Kevin didn’t have cerebral palsy like Dupree’s inspiring brother, Reggie. My brother had Down Syndrome and he was able to perform in activities like bowling. He competed in a league and even in a few Special Olympics – where everyone wins. In short, he understood, in his own way, how sports can bring out the best in you and how much fun they can be. As kids, we’d play games in the living room that we’d make up with various balls and they’d involve things like tossing, rolling, batting and catching. These activities are at the root of my own athletic development and played a part in why I eventually chose beach volleyball as my sport of choice. Diving, jumping and swatting at things is what I was used to doing with Kevin so it makes sense. I was pretty good at golf, tennis and baseball as well but chose the sport that was the most fun, even if it was the least lucrative of all major sports…and I would do it again.

I could always tell that Kevin admired what I was able to do in the realm of sports and I can only imagine how much he would have liked being out there as my Big Brother doing it right, and then taking me under his wing to show me the ropes. As it were, however he was completely happy and content with his life and had the strength to endure a childhood in and out of hospitals. In fact, doctors predicted that he wouldn’t live past 14 years old…he passed peacefully at age 41. How about them apples?!? Kevin’s fortitude and roll-with-the-punches attitude along with his sense of humor made him an instant buddy to anyone meeting him for the first time.

Growing up I played mostly baseball, tennis and golf with the later two sports dominating most of my time. This is where I learned about sportsmanship (and won an award for it), fair play and having a good attitude. By the time Kevin’s spirit motivated me to train hard and perform at my best, it also manifested in the form of having fun while doing so (playing sports). My first serious beach volleyball partner, John Hancock and I took this to such a level that we had a Harlem Globetrotter-esque feel to our warm ups (insert whistling)…circling around the court with fancy passes  to each other (to loosen up), and passing down-balls (during pepper) with our hips/butts instead of our arms – it looked funny, and once in a while we’d pull it off.  This kind of approach we took to training and play led us to our pro debut on the AVP Tour in Hermosa Beach, CA…and it’s also the source of my eventual nickname “The Big Happy.”

Beach volleyball in the mid-late 90’s was very different from today’s game. We not only played on a bigger court with different rules, which meant a game could go on for hours, we also were largely on our own as athletes. Players (especially lower ranked guys like me) didn’t stay with partners for very long, if someone had points enough to get into the main draw as a team then that’s who you went with. Very few player’s had coaches, trainers, massage therapists, chiropractors or agents…which is pretty much the arsenal of support that many of the top athletes have today. We were responsible for ourselves and became our own trainers, coaches, nutritionists and travel agents, for example. Personal motivation was (and is) a critical element in those who want to make it to the professional level.

Since Kevin wasn’t able to run, jump and play at such high levels as I was blessed to do, I felt it was my privileged to do so for the sake of us both. I’ve done extra sprints, lifted more weights and endured more pain with Kevin acting as my motivation more than anything else. I do it because he cannot. My motivation is deeply personal, meaningful and strikes to the core of my being…so it’s as strong and stubborn as it’s very inspiration (41 years!).

One of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned by having a brother with Down Syndrome is how important it is to mentally walk in someone else’s shoes before making judgement on them (not that I condone judging!). Seeing my brother being called names and getting teased as a kid hurt me as if I was the one their cruelty was directed at. In some form, I took on that pain myself but I couldn’t possibly imagine what it would actually feel like to be manipulated into doing things or being bullied with the R-word. These are the sorts of horrible things he experienced in life yet he never showed bitterness, anger, or hatred towards anyone. He was made with the sweetest, kindness soul and I’m thankful he had this ability built-in to protect him. Please note that Kevin was NOT in a constant state of attack, it was not often that kids or people were douchey towards him. Other than a few select incidents I bore witness to, he had a happy life and was treated with love and kindness from the masses…including two of his heroes Clint Eastwood (Kev loved his movies) and NBA star Chris Mullin, who admittedly doesn’t have a big attention span but always gave Kevin his time and enthusiastic smile. I’m grateful for every bit of kindness ever bestowed upon Kevin. It makes me smile (OK, cry) when I really think about it.

Kevin loved to watch me do just about anything and I always felt compelled to “show off” for him, and have fun in doing so. I saw that it made him happy to watch me play, and it felt good to give him that joy…for perhaps he’s thought to himself “I wish I could do that.” Even if I’m totally off base, I like to think that by pursuing the best that I can be, in Kevin’s honor, that I could make the most of both of our lives. Don’t get me wrong, I’m competitive and want to win as much as the next guy. I’m simply saying that finding motivation as an athlete is a profound thing that should not be taken lightly. The more personal and deeply meaningful the motivation is the more unshakable it will be…and it will undoubtedly become a stong force in your life for all things good.

I’d like to thank Marcus Dupree for his emotional outburst at the tail end of the film (it’s worth a watch). The out pour reminded me of my own inspiration and moved me to share one of the strongest forces behind my own athletic pursuits. I did make it to the professional level of beach volleyball on the AVP Tour and played for 6 years while having the time of my life in the process. My career is far from noteworthy however thanks to motivation I was indeed able to reach my goal of becoming a pro. Thanks bro!

Hanging out

AVP Riverside and CBVA Tournament Wrap Up

My partner and I entered into the AVP Qualifier as the 44 seed and our first opponents were the 21 seed, both of them had recent AVP main draw experience as well. Our match went three games and we ultimately won in the third set 15 – 12. In beach volleyball, I think the team that adjusts first eventually wins…and I feel that’s how we won – but it was definitely hard fought by both sides. In any case, it was great to get the upset win and advance another round in the single-elimination tournament.

I got most of the serves in our first match. I like getting served despite the stigma that it comes with (perceived as the weaker player) because then I feel the match is in my hands.

My passing was great all day and my side out ability was pretty good but not as crisp as I would have liked it. I’m still getting used to playing the right side but it’s going pretty well thus far and playing on the right has improved my ability to put away balls in transition. My high line shot was going down and that opened up my cross-court hit. Their net play (blocking) was solid and I had to do a handful of tool shots off the block when other shots just weren’t available. The tool off the block is a great last-second “get out of jail” play…and is better than getting stuffed any day.

Siding out in beach volleyball is like driving the lane in basketball. It’s very athletic for one thing and deception is used to create shot options (i.e. show angle all the way, then turn line at the last second). Both moves involve making last-second decisions based on a moments worth of various input…like where is the defender (holding middle, cheating to one side, leaning, juking), what’s the wind doing (blowing cross, front/back, gusty), how close to the antenna am I (how much room is there to work with), what’s the blocker doing (show and take, late move into the angle, dropping off the net, up early and exploitable), etc. All of this gets processed in a split second and a decision is made, hopefully the right one.

It felt great to have a win under our belt and that settled my nerves. There is so much pressure to win in a single-elimination tournament. You don’t want to lose because so much has been invested in performing well when it counts. I haven’t felt the juices flowing like that in a long time. All kinds of thoughts were racing through my mind as I mentally coached myself during the match trying to not only play well but to also improve in my fundamentals and game strategy. I even tapped into various sports psychology methods of thinking to encourage a favorable outcome and performance worthy of  being deemed “professional” in my approach, execution and sportsmanship. Working hard to improve on each and every play, giving full effort from start to finish. While there is something to be said about this approach, it’s also nice to enter into a tournament with confidence in your stuff and playing relaxed. Somewhere in between is the sweet spot for me and the more tournaments I play, the better I’ll be at the mental as well as the physical components to the game.

We had about two hours to wait until our next match. My wife and I went next door to our hotel room where she got in some work and I just rested and fueled up on water, G2 (my favorite sports drink) and some complex carbs. During this down time, I was able to digest what had just happened on the court and it helped me put everything in perspective with respect to this comeback effort of mine. I’m one step closer to my goal of playing in another main draw on the AVP, and I’m feeling like I belong amongst the best players competing to do the same.

Our second match was against another team I hadn’t seen play before. They played steady ball but didn’t do anything to wow us…yet they won in two games. Again, I got most of the serves and did almost all of the blocking. I was feeling pretty good entering into the match but quickly got tired. I’m in shape to do this but think that my body was dealing with so much in our first match that I fried my system up. The ref also had a quick whistle that we were playing to and that didn’t allow much time for recovery after each point. I was huffing and puffing a lot during the match and even used all of our timeouts to catch my breath when it got really bad. In the end, I don’t think I had the gusto needed to win this match and that’s why we lost.

it’s no fun to know that it was likely your fault for losing, but whatever happens we win as a team and lose as a team and as long as full effort is given with a never say die attitude, it’s all good. That being said, I learned that I need to train for that situation (quick whistle) so this doesn’t happen again. I intend to be more relaxed in mind and body at the next Qualifier and that will help me get through an entire event playing at a high level.

Riverside was a cool little town and the people were very nice. I’d recommend Duane’s Steakhouse at the Mission Inn Hotel, amazing food! We watched a little AVP action the next day, then headed back home to Redondo Beach where we unpacked and prepared for another tournament the next day in Hermosa Beach.

Hermosa Beach is our “home beach” and it’s always nice playing in tournaments there. My wife played in the women’s A and ended up taking 3rd place! I played in the men’s A and ended up taking 2nd place. We won our pool and earned a bye in the playoffs, then made our way to the finals. My partner played his heart out but cramped in the finals and we lost by 6 points. All in all, a great day of volleyball and my confidence was boosted by going 7 – 1 on the day.

It was nice to get more time in the sand since we wouldn’t be back in the South Bay until the following weekend. I blocked all day long and got to work on my timing and footwork. As a result, I think I’ll be more effective in the next tournament, which is April 25th in Manhattan Beach. It’s being run by Great American Volleyball and I’m playing in the Open-level. I’ll be playing with a new partner and going back to my strong side, the left. The competition will be fierce but I’m intent on taking my game up a notch and upsetting some teams. Tune in again soon to see how it went.

Me spiking past the block